It doesn’t feel like Christmas. I’ve never done this
holiday without my parents… and my brother. Deployment is looming
in the future… 2 weeks probably. I’m in a foreign country trying
to be strong, but I am struggling immensely. It’s an inner struggle
that most won’t see, but it’s breaking out in random outbursts of
quiet tears. I’m riding this crazy roller coaster. Get to foreign
country–excitement. Live out of suitcases in a crappy hotel– not
exactly fun. Get new house– excitement. Hear my husband will
deploy for over half the time we are in so-called exciting foreign
country– heartbreaking. I’m missing him already and he’s not even
gone yet. I wish he’d say it sucks… But he wants to deploy and
although I know that doesn’t mean he won’t miss me, it stings a
little that he’s so excited (as he should be, to do the job he’s
been training for) to deploy. I didn’t want to travel the world by
myself, I wanted to do it with him.

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