happened. I accepted my first full-time,salaried, benefited position today. A got here today. I went to lunch and potentially made new friends with some people I met at a party last weekend. I’ll see the fiance tomorrow.
Wonderful things, indeed.
And one not-so-good thing.
I threw up last night. So much so that my stomach hurt all day today. It wasn’t my fault, I must have caught a bug or something, or else ate something that my body wanted to reject. I went to bed at 10-something and woke up at midnight with the awful feeling of knowing I was going to be puking shortly. So I got up and sat in the bathroom, feeling very dreadful. And while this was happening I was remembering many previous events where I was essentially doing the same thing, only my stomach didn’t hurt. Anyway, as I’m waiting there in the bathroom fearing future events that were surely going to happen (you know how you just know you’re about to puke) and I couldn’t stand the waiting any longer so I just made myself. Just like old times! …ugh. And then I couldn’t stop. I mean, I think after the first or second time, the whole puking thing could have stopped (although how would I know, since I didn’t let nature take it’s course I had to interrupt and speed things up) but I kept going. It’s like, the one time triggered the next 6 times. And as this was happening, I knew it was happening. But I couldn’t stop. I suddenly had to get everything out. It was obviously making me sick and it was obviously uneccessary calories [justification]. But I don’t know. I mean, I was definitely going to puke with or without my helping actions. So I don’t know if I took it too far or not. Or if it even matters. What I do know is that today, or rather, tonight, something in me wished I would have enough guts to do it all over again. Afterall, dinner was unnecessary, right?
I don’t consider myself overly needy, as a significant other, but I really wish the fiance would call me tonight. I don’t see that happening, though, as it’s already 11pm.
I don’t even want to talk about this I just want to say good night.