I finally got a job (albeit a part-time, $10/hour, 10/week job…) and I do not want it.

What I want is a full-time job having something – anything – to do with my degree.

I can’t decide if I’m lazy or not. I feel 95 pounds overweight. I fell off my running plan. I tried to get back on it today and as I was running, on the treadmill (effing the ice that is currently everywhere) all my thoughts were destroying. I cut the run short, and thus made myself feel even worse. I just want a job! I am getting out of control big time. I am sinking. I am trying so, so hard to stay optimistic and positive. But every day it eats at me a little bit more.

I got back and just sat in my car and cried. Do I take the job? I don’t really want it. I hate that I had to even interview for a $10/hour job.

I can’t control it? I am so frustrated. I see where it’s going. I know why I was really crying. I’m unemployed and fat. And I’m fat because I’m unemployed.

Of course.