I can’t get out
it’s dark and I want to die
I want to be freed from this
I want to stop telling myself
Who have I become
I don’t know where I’ve gone
I created this monster
It’s dark and cold and I’m screaming loudly
not a single person
can hear me
I didn’t want them to hear anyway
I’d rather waste away
and have every bone visible
It’s a little bit crazy
I’m a little bit lost
The pain is so intense
It’s all my fault
I’m failing at this
I keep running thinking
maybe the miles will erase it all
I hate everything about this
I want it to fucking go away
I am in control
I’ve lost all control
I can’t cry anymore
Because I gave every ounce of energy
to the person
I’m taking orders from
myself

…………………………………………

I’m okay! I just wanted to write. That is all. Nothing more. I’m not depressed or starving or anything. I just had a moment of remembering those years… and the awfulness of them.