Hebrews 12

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13″Make level paths for your feet,”[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

I don’t know where else to turn. I am making a selfish fool of myself. I am so upset because I just …I feel so awful thinking about what could have been and maybe that’s stupid but I don’t care. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW BADLY I MISS HIM. I feel guilty being angry and crying and upset. It’s impossible to not feel like this though. I can’t help it. What might make the most sense means nothing to me.

I want to scream really loudly.

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