I was dreaming this morning about how I was not going to eat anything today. Talk about fucking with my mind. I woke up thinking that’s what I needed to do. And then…when I was going to go eat cereal for breakfast..there was no milk. ok, this is definitely a sign. I am not supposed to eat today. I ate a little dry cereal despite all this thinking. Then…I went running. I felt so heavy. Things were jiggling that were not supposed to be jiggling. So the whole run of course I was thinking that I really just do not need to eat today.
Today, all day.
It’s not like that…it’s not like the average person thinking they are fat and having a single bad day over it. This is, almost indescribable fear.
I need someone to talk me out of what I am thinking.
I am so hungry…
Food is making me want to puke today, nothing looks good or sounds good. If someone were to make me eat right this minute I would burst into tears.
I had diet coke for dinner.