1. trigger

2. thoughts

3. actions/no actions

4. hopelessness

And it’s not hopelessness like I-want-to-kill-myself hopelessness, but more so when-does-it-end hopelessness. The kind of hopelessness that makes you frustrated or sad or depressed or angry or stressed but you sort of just let it sit there, and ignore it mostly. Only sometimes in moments of weakness or moments of triggering events, it’s right there, front and center and at full attention. Your mind tries to continue to ignore it but I am only strong for so long and then I sort of crumble down.

Well just stop thinking, Em, ok? If things were that easy…

So I’ll go back to ignoring.

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