I’m not sure why, but I have been thinking about death a lot lately. I have always viewed it as such a horrifying thing and I think that comes in part from not truly having any sort of faith. If I thought I was going to a better place (heaven) and God and Jesus for sure exist(ed), I think I would have been a lot more comfortable with the thought of it and the fact that eventually, yes, everyone dies.

So I suppose I do know why I’ve subconsciously been thinking about this. I had undesirable results on a recent (5 months ago) doctor visit that involve the possibility of having cervical cancer. So I went back in today to be retested and I don’t know the results yet. But if for some reason they came back worse case scenario (high grade risk) the outcome if caught early is extremely high, like 95-99%. So I’m not really worried but it still got me thinking. (ok so that’s not exactly the worst case scenario but wouldn’t they have asked me to come back a lot sooner if there was possibility of it really being like phase IV cancer and invading other organs?) It got me thinking about all the people who get cancer and actually get like, a death sentence and are told they have X number of years to live. I think I would be ok with that. I have plenty of plans, don’t get me wrong–I’m always planning for future things, but you can’t do anything about it, you know? So what’s the point in worrying? I think if that happened to me, God forbid, I’d get out the Life List and start crossing things off.

Apparently I like to prepare myself for things even if they have a 1% chance of happening.

The doctor told me I keep getting sick because I am really unlucky. Awesome.

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