I started this particular journal last February. So it has been one year. What a drastic turn around. Seriously, wow. At this exact time last year, I was likely crying. I was likely trying to study anatomy but sitting alone in the library wondering why I ate so much dinner and planning on eating nothing the next day. I was likely obsessing and avoiding any and all people who cared. I was likely in my own world, completely detached from reality.
Life is so great I wish I could spread the greatness around. Life is so great, in fact, I haven’t even weighed myself since I said I wouldn’t. So, you say? Big deal..I said I wouldn’t, right? Yeah well we all know that means maybe a few days and then forget that silly nonsense I wrote down days ago. But no! I have absolutely not. They don’t care. He doesn’t care. Why should I care?
When everything comes together, I come together too. When things fall apart, that part of me falls apart too. But I feel like right now, I don’t know how I was ever like that. (ok, I do.) I am confident I will never be that far in, ever again.
I wish I could tell all the 7th grade girls that it doesn’t matter. To think that 10 million females in the U.S. are currently struggling…it’s hard to grasp the number of girls at this very second doing what I was doing in 7th grade. And 8th grade. And 9th grade, 10th, 11th, 12th…college.
I am starting to feel like I own my life. As opposed to solely doing things in order to please other people. It’s such a good feeling, to be completely in control. (Irony, there, yeah.) All my decisions are mine. All my choices are mine. Of course, they always were, but I didn’t know that. I couldn’t see that.
I am going to North Carolina on Friday! I officially took the internship in Vermont! I have NO idea what I am going to do when I graduate and being such the planner that I am I would normally have this completely mapped out already but I am planning on letting life come to me as it may.