If I can’t run then I am going to get fat.

If I can’t run then I can’t eat.

If I can’t run then everyone thinks I am fat and ugly and fat.

If I do eat then I have to get rid of it.

If I don’t get rid of it then I am fat.

If I’m not 111 pounds then I must weigh too much.

I am injured, of course. OF COURSE. Not severely or anything but I will probably need a full one, maybe two, weeks off of running. I can’t bike either.

I feel really panicked right now. I feel like I need to be exercising at all times in order to make up for the 50 miles a week I will be missing out on. I already weigh 115. Panic panic panic. Tonight, at dinner, one of the guys says, “you sure ate a lot…” [gasp] what? ohmygosh I ate too much I ate too much! He thinks I ate a lot, what was I thinking why did I even eat anything in the first place? What the hell is wrong with me! Surely my stomach and thighs could have done quite well without any dinner. Why did I eat so much, did I eat that much? gahhhh.

One thought on “If’s and then’s

  1. i used to be a runner – and i remember the panic i went through when i got 5 – yes – 5 stress fractures on my shins when I was training for the Portland marathon.
    such a dangerous state of mind. I feel for you and understand. i have replaced my obession with running with weight lifting. i still run – just have given up long distance.
    are you better now?

    Like

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