Today I am alone. The only people I know since I have moved here are either in Montana running the conference meet which I missed by seven seconds or in Boston.  I am depressed. I tried not to be, but now that everyone is actually gone, I am very very alone. Left to sit here and think.

I don’t want to do anything all day except drink coffee and run and go to the gym. I have a test I hardly studied for in a few hours, and I really do not care about it. I’m going to rely on my educational guessing abilities [it’s nutrition nursing application, if anyone can guess correctly it’s me.] I don’t care, why don’t I care; I want to care but I want more to write and cry and exercise.  I want to go home. How long have I been mesmerized by my own thoughts? I am completely in my own world. The loudest voice is my own; no one else hears it. I am lost and trapped in my head. I am unable to verbally communicate. Mostly because I am inclined not to. Perhaps because I do not know if I want to. Or, I simply choose not to. I sense a sort of sudden loss of control but I don’t know what I lost control of.

I am standing in a city of 77,000 people and I am alone.

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