It is so strange to keep hearing the same thing over and over again, you’re thin, and all I can do is tell myself they’re lying. My brain refuses to agree and becomes confused every time something like this is said. I just don’t get it. They can’t all be lying. They can’t all be blind. Even the concrete things–the numbers–tell me I am only a few pounds from being underweight…but something urges me to shut all these things out. Somehow, everything that is real, is not real. Truth is only in my head. My thoughts are my reality. But not actual reality, and that line is very blurry. Or rather, it is black and white, and I do not understand how to create grey and therefore see myself from the other side. If (and I hope there is) there truly is one, that is, a side from which people see me differently and reality is different from how I see it.

I am crazy.