I weigh 115. Three days in a row I have consistantly weighed 115. It’s like a dream…

yet somehow, I almost feel more fat. I am obsessed all over again, I know this, yet I cannot stop. I don’t know if I want to stop… I have this competitive urge to want to see 114 on the scale. or 110. My BMI, according to the CDC, is not unhealthy (underweight) until I am 110 pounds. I haven’t seen 110 since Sophomore year of high school. Why do I want that so bad? I wasn’t even thinking about that…2, 3 months ago. My thinking has completely changed though, because before, I would go out to eat with friends, get nervous about it, and throw it all up. Yes, I was trying to lose weight (when have I ever not been) but that wasn’t it so much. I was obsessed in a different way. I spent more time planning and obsessing about how I was going to purge myself of “extra” calories. Now, I don’t even want to eat. I honestly haven not had much of an appetite since I moved here. I go into the kitchen, open the fridge, scan over everything, and close the fridge without taking anything from it. Not because I am working overtime to tell myself I don’t need the food, but because nothing looks good, I actually get kind of disgusted … and just leave the kitchen. This has happened numerous times over the past week or so.

One thought on “and thy scale has thy power

  1. Why don’t you try smashing your scale? I talk about such things in my blog if you are interested. It is in step one to body acceptance. 🙂 I know you won’t, but I wish you would do it!

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