Today has been such a triggering day. It was as if I was being tested over and over again all day long.
The worst part about it all; lunch with B today. She tells me her close friend (a friend of mine through B) is going to live at home this coming school year because her eating disorder came back. She tells me this mostly, I believe, because her friend wants to know where I went to get help since B mentioned my having gone to ASU during their conversation. I am excited maybe I can help her. But suddenly triggered.
I’m thinking, oh, I do not have that anymore. I can hardly relate! HA! Yeah, right. It is still there, lurking in the back of my mind–or front, somedays. Why did her’s come back? And what the fuck does come back mean? Like someone who goes to live in another city for awhile and then decides to…come back? Just like that? Did it ever go away? DOES IT EVER?
Somehow, in some sick, morbid, twisted way I wished right then that mine would come back. How awful. But I did.