It was bittersweet. I was happy when I crossed the finish line. Roughly 20 seconds from what I wanted, no big deal. The bitter part came later in the day when I received an e-mail from my coach. It read:

E,

 

22:18 for a tempo run! I really like the sound of that! You must be feeling good!

 

Five runners and I ran the 5K race here in town. Michael got 3rd overall! Ben, (new fr.) came in ready ahead of Jorel (soph). The 2 fr. girls both were just over 21. I was very pleased with how everyone ran!! These 2 new girls will be pushing some of the other girls right off the start, so this is just what we want out of those fr.

Read between the lines:

E,

OK effort on your run today. However, please keep in mind that there are two incoming freshman who will take your spot if you do not step it up very soon.

So I can take this and sulk and worry and be perpetually nervous. OR I can get super fired up. Running is all in the head. When it starts to hurt, I have to push more. I have to really fight through pain or I will never improve. When my body automatically slows down, it is imperative I make a conscious effort to tell myself now is the time to push harder.

I feel like I am so close to exposing the confidence I know I have. Almost everyday though, I have moments of weakness where I think I am fat, and as soon as I think that, it’s negative-thought city.

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