My mom told me I was looking skinny today. This, after feeling outrageously fat all week, despite the scale check at the gym earlier in the week which said “you are losing weight.”

How can I lose weight and get comments about it, AND continue to feel like utter shit. How is it possible for reality (the scale) and superficial comments to not supersede my negative thoughts?

And FUCK, I need to stop drinking beer! It’s so much fun yadda yadda yadda but how is drinking beer in any way helping training? Oh, it is absolutely not. Extra fucking calories and dehydration and much less sleep is the ultimate result of partying. I feel like a first semester college freshman. Because I never did that, and now, all of a sudden I am single and hanging out with everyone I haven’t seen in two years. None of whom continued athletics into college and obviously do not share the philosophy that partying and running a lot a lot of miles do not mix very well. If only I was Mormon and had a moral and religious responsibility to not drink.

What is she thinking? Is she crazy? I am not looking skinny. I wish!

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