So I have been kind of a train wreck lately. However, not completely. I have this thin thread of belief that I don’t want this keeping me together. Not eating, and then eating HURTS. I forgot about that. I only remember the good feelings, like the feeling of elation and power after losing weight due to not eating. I forgot that it hurts really horribly bad. My stomach hurts so so bad right now. I barely ate Fri, sat, sun, and Mon, then Mon night I finally got hungry, and ate dinner. And this morning, after waking up at 4:45am to walk (still not run, argh) I was extremely hungry..and I ate cereal. Then, and it’s like an omen I shouldn’t eat, hours later my stomach decided to become upset. And by that, I mean, I thought I was going to lose some intestines. Yes, I forgot about all that. How it hurts so bad to eat after you haven’t eaten in a long time. You get hungry, but it’s not hunger that makes you want to eat, it’s almost hard to tell the difference between hunger pains and a real stomach ache.

That is where I am right now: my stomach hates me.

But lets talk about that thin thread of belief. I just sent my final transcript to the university, and then e-mailed the track coach about summer training. That got me kind of inspired/excited about going up there and staying healthy.

I just wish I didn’t have such huge thunder thighs.

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