I’ve been doing really good.

Until now.

I feel sick. I feel like I am going to throw up not on purpose. I just literally feel sick from eating dinner. I feel like the problem will be solved if I just make myself do it.

I was fine right before dinner. I swear. Completely fine. Completely fine yesterday. The day before. ok. But I really feel sick right now. My heart is racing. I’m not thinking I’m fat I’m fat….I’m thinking ohmygod I feel sick. I don’t know! My head is spinning. I started wondering if I was making myself feel sick, is that possible? I’m sure it is…I don’t know how I got to this point tonight but I did…somehow…and I just don’t feel like it happened as a result of negative thoughts. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention enough.

I need to get rid of dinner. I’m killing time right now and it is not getting better.

No one NORMAL would feel sick and then make themselves actually sick. They just wouldn’t. Right? Stop……..

But I feel so sick. My stomach is upset. My body hates me.

Your body doesn’t hate you. Is this reasonable? What did you eat?

I ate too much. I don’t know. I’m tired of trying to fight this right now.

(-): Long term consequences: Health. Short term: guilt.

(+): Long term: none. Short term: I will feel better NOW.

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