Assignment: Name five things I like about my physical appearance.

1) my eyes

2) forearms

3) calves

4)

5)

This is outrageously hard.

Five things other people like about my physical appearance:

1) My legs

2) My stomach

3) My eyes

4) My smile

5) My hair

I can’t come up with the last two. I really, truly do not like anything else about my physical appearance.

About the “what other people like” it’s kind of ironic because just a few weeks ago, at practice, Penny mentioned something to me about having the nicest body on the team. BECAUSE I AM CURVY. Granted, I was flattered, but I also did not take it fully as a compliment. To me, curvy=fat. I would rather have Michelle’s body any day. 100 pounds and not an ounce of fat showing on her body. And besides she’s super fast. Of course, I will never have a body like that. Thanks to my family gene pool, I have been graced with hips. And thighs. And breasts. When I’m eating.

Maybe I will come back to this in a few days and try to add two more things.

I still have not gone grocery shopping. I am feeling increasingly anxious about not running. I can’t do anything cardiovascular. Even biking hurts. I can only do so many abs and push-ups……

I’m kind of lonely right now. A and B are in Cali for the azusa/long beach/mt sac races. I am injured and stuck at home with no boyfriend or best friend.  Today has been really weird. I got up early to study for health, took the test, went o the com meeting, went to psych class. During psych–acquired a  migraine, thought my head was going to fall off. Came home, went to sleep. FOR THREE HOURS. 1:30-4:30. Holy crap, right? In the middle of the freakin day. I woke up with a headache still…so finally took some ibuprofen. And I haven’t really done anything since. 4:30 is normally when I would be at practice, but I can’t even go to kill time because, oh, they are in Cali. So great. I am lazy. I ate dinner. I feel like I need to count how many calories I ate today…because I am really scared I ate too  much. But at this point, I’m not sure what my definition of too much is. I think I would be upset no matter what the number totaled to. Not being able to exercise=should not eat. And I ate. So, now what? I don’t know what conclusion to come to…I’m upset about not being able to exercise and eating too much (or whatever..eating at all). So…don’t eat tomorrow? Not healthy, not a great idea, but it would make me a little less upset knowing I could decrease the damage done today by not eating tomorrow. Or I could purge dinner. That would make it better too.

What’s the difference anyway when I can’t run. When you’re on the sidelines it seems like people start to forget about you.

I really am terrified of gaining weight right now. This is day 7. And I feel like I’ve gained 5 pounds already. Maybe I have. argh. this fucking sucks.

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