I had an excellent run yesterday; 72 minutes on the canal. It was one of those runs where the time goes by so fast because you’re so caught up in the good feeling of a long run. I remember thinking I am finally back. I am finally going to start running well. I barely ate yesterday too, and I felt so light the whole day. I ate like 1,000 calories the whole day (until the party…) and I just felt really good.

So I went to Jess’s St. Patrick’s Day party. Which I knew I was going to hence the reason for attempting to restrict calorie intake (which, I suck at, I used to be able to get by on like 500 calories. Willpower where are you?) But anyway, I had like two and a half appletini’s which I am guessing is probably less than 400 calories. Plus the tortilla chips I ate. SO I ended up at like 1800 calories. Maybe 2000. But that’s ok, right, because I ran 72 minutes. Which is like -700 calories.

I was trying to do all this in my head about the time the buzz was wearing off. Alcohol is a great excuse to throw up. Jess got sick and was trying to puke and she was like, “I could never be bulimic, I don’t know how they do it” ugh. I seriously cringed. I wish I didn’t know how “they” do it either. This was actually rather triggering but I was still excited about my run and reasonable food choices earlier in the day to actually act on the trigger. It was kinda tempting though, I would have gotten rid of all the alcohol and chips….and been where I was at before the party which would have been super good.

When I started this entry I was feeling pretty good about myself and now I am not. I need to go exercise. Whatthefuck. I am incredibly unstable.

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