I tried. It is completely hopeless. I actually made the effort to get help. Twice this school year. Twice I felt so low, I decided I did not want to live like this anymore. The first time, I was stuck with a brand-new intern. In fact, I was her first client. I could not connect with her, and it was not helping so after one month (four sessions) so I stopped going. Then, I went to my school’s counseling department. (this took every ounce of courage I had in me to walk in there.) And I learn she cannot have more then 3 sessions with me (it is community college). So she spends those three sessions asking me what I am going to do. Well, was I not functioning before I came to see her? Of course I was functioning.

Just slowly deteriorating.

I just canceled the fourth appointment I was supposed to have with her tonight. It would have been impossible to make it there by 7pm, anyway. What were we going to do? I called ASU counseling center like she said. They said they would call me back for an evaluation. I finally got called back Friday, but I called Friday and Tuesday and left messages both times. Either they are far too busy to deal with me or it is truly not meant to be for me to receive help for this.

Not meant to be.

I am lost.