Truth in Love

I can do this. My wolfpack is the softest, warmest blanket on the coldest day. This morning, with my dietitian, tears formed while she explained her thoughts and observations about why I slipped. Her observation came separately from my own internal one, which precisely matched hers. It was perfect validation. It was exactly what I…

Intuitive Life

K** would say listen to your body. She would ask me what my body is telling me, or trying to tell me. For all things. For food, for safety, for relationships, for trust, for health. The answer to everything is in your ability to trust yourself. To know yourself. To honor your body. She believed…

Surrendering Attempts

Surrender puts everything into place. Surrender makes way for freedom. Surrender allows for peace. This is what I’m working on. This is why, sometimes things feel so hard but yet life is still so good. I can feel intense emotions, and still find peace in them. My emotions are not a burden I need to…

Mom?

Just like a little girl who needs her mom, my stomach hurts. Everything hurts today—if I don’t sleep more than a couple hours tonight, I truly don’t know how it will be possible to be awake. Sleep deprivation is pure torture. My stomach hurts and my head is numb? gone? heavy? chaos? and my body…

Grief part 6

I miss you so much, I whispered as tears formed and soaked my cheeks. I wish you were here. So badly. September was supposed to be a monumental month. It still is, but before I had clients to fill up my purpose and add meaning to my life, we were supposed to go skydiving on…

Realization

My brain, today, physically feels like it did in 2019 every time I got on or (abruptly) off antidepressant medication. I didn’t feel like this yesterday. I don’t understand why this is happening. If you know this feeling, it’s kind of scary and kind of uncomfortable. It’s not reassuring, amidst bottom-of-the-earth depression, and it reminds…

Dear K, (letter #6)

I miss you. When I think I’ve stabilized my emotions surrounding losing you, I am faced with more to process, more to miss, more pain. I did it today—I successfully had my very first session with a client. It went so well (I think), and I had to rush out after to pick up the…

Dear K, (letter #5)

I didn’t run for two weeks. The agonizing pain of grief stole so much of my sleep, I’ve not had any motivation or energy to do anything other than what has to be done—and I am much more busy than I have been since having kids. I ran today and all I could think was…